technical difficulties

i am currently trying to redesign this blog, and it turns out that the application that i was using to "make things easier", has only gone and screwed the blog up. please bare with me as i try and sort it out. this may get ugly.

are you KIDDING me?????

i think i need to make a trip


here is a haiku i wrote, in honour of the king :

pillowy soft bun
smoky juices on my hands
mayo, ketchup, cheese

har!

i was just reading a bunch of stories about people blurting out an accidental "double entendre", when i was reminded of this collection of quotes from british television :

Here are 12 of the finest (unintentional) Double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - ' And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria .. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing! '

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - ' Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him. '

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - ' This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. '

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn ' t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew. '

5. US PGA Commentator - ' One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ...... Oh my god!! What have I just said?? '

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ' Time Team Live ' said: ' You ' d eat beaver if you could get it. '

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn ' t, turned to the weatherman and asked, ' So Bob, where ' s that eight inches you promised me last night? ' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday. '

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: ' There ' s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: ' Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis ' s misses every chance he gets. '

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1 ' s UK eclipse coverage remarked: ' They seem cold out there, they ' re rubbing each other and he ' s only come in his shorts. '

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: ' Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself. '

my job

i was saying to someone the other day about how much i love my job. i get to play with all the coolest technology, i get to listen to some of the best presenters on the planet, i get paid to learn and i get to live the lifestyle of a jet-setter, (although the remuneration doesn't quite reflect this). the biggest disappointment about my job, is the fact that i often don't have time to explore the cities that i travel to. in fact, i often don't get outside at all, apart from moving from the airport to the hotel....... if anyone out there loves their job half as much as i love mine, they are indeed very fortunate.

the morning after

after leaving the bar last night, i decided i was going to head home. then my friend kari called. i shouldn't have answered. we ended up at some party where i knew a bunch of people, and we all had a grand old time, and continued to have some drinks. next thing i know - it's 0630. normally i have been awake for at least an hour at this point, and i haven't even managed to get to bed yet. so i am currently struggling with a hangover, and don't feel so well. i am supposed to be packing right now, because i am on the road again, first thing tomorrow morning, for two weeks. but i really can't be arsed. i need a hangover cure. anyone of you 3 readers have any suggestions? ps - yes this particular post is more sucky than the others. i blame booze. (the cause of, (and solution to), all of life's problems). pps - the golden pig is my new deity

durations

time is in short supply for me these days, and it seems i don't even get enough time to sleep. the post below has an audio clip that was whittled down to five minutes of umms and ahhs, and then trimmed again to delete a minute of silence that was in there. it got me thinking about what i could have done in the five minutes of time that he wasted. it takes five minutes : - to castrate a cat - to cook baked alsaska - to kill the microorganisms responsible for botulism in canned pears, by exposing them to temperatures of 115 degrees C. - for a marble factory to turn out 1000 glass marbles - for the human eye to adapt to red light - to die from a single 60 mg dose of nicotine - for intravenous novocaine to take effect i going to ask for him to return my five minutes.

*yawn*

.



for those of you that still check in here, to see if this guy is still up to anything; i am glad you keep returning.



i apologise to each and every one of you, but work has been absolutely HECTIC, and i haven't even had any time to myself, or much of a chance to get online, other than to check email.





so, having said that, i have still been having fun with digital media.





the link below, is a talk that i recorded one day, while at work. but i have removed 95% of the words in the speech, and left only the "uhs". the result is pretty interesting, and quite amusing. keep in mind a few things :



- this guy is a highly paid expert in his field

- this was originally a 30 minute talk

- i have not edited this file other than to delete parts. the edit is completely

LINEAR.

- i wanted to slap this guy.





that is all i can think to tell you about, at the mo'



please enjoy.





************ UPDATE *****************



apparently there was an issue with the previous link.



this one should work :



uhhhhh.....