talking dirty

so i just happened to be watching an episode of the show "extras", with ricky gervais, and his friend was explaining how her new man likes to talk dirty with her, and she's not sure how to handle the situation. so that got me wondering if there were any bits of info online about "how to talk dirty with your lover", and perhaps some interesting suggestions that hadn't ever occurred to me previously. so i start surfing, and i stumble upon this absolutely BRILLIANT little pointer : While your mouth utters really sexy words and praises for your partner, easily caress her and do the things that will excite her more like using a really nice jam or wine to spread on her body and lick it from there. wait a minute...........use a REALLY NICE JAM???????? hahaha! are you kidding me??????????? i just about spit my tea out!!!!! i can picture it now : "hang on a minute love, i just want to go get that jar of posh preserves we got down at the farmers market last weekend" and what if your mate doesn't like gooseberry confiture? what do you substitute? caramalised onions in a bechamel sauce? are THEY allowed to request different toppings? are YOU? "since i am tossing your salad, shall i just nip out to the larder and get you some salad cream?"