so i got to thinking....

..... about the event from the other day. and it is a really great story to tell, but it could have turned out much worse. in fact i am still getting messages from her, and she isn't getting the hint that i am not responding, so it may still turn out wrongly. like maybe she is thinking "i want to wear your skin to my birthday", or something like that. like silence of the lambs in reverse.......

true story

i have been hanging around a dating site for about 3 weeks now, and have enjoyed chatting with girls on there. meeting some really nice ones that are smart and funny and cute. so i made arrangements to meet up with one for a quick bite last night. this is how it all went down. i don't even know where to begin with what was wrong with the date. but i should have known it was going to be bad when the girl that showed up was NOT EVEN CLOSE to being the same one that was in her profile pics.... and it actually went DOWNHILL from there. it was as if she knew that i was thinking "you psycho girl! you stole someone else's profile pics, and used them as your own". because she pulled out her health card and said that "this picture doesn't look anything like me, does it?" creepy thing is, it DIDN'T look like her, but it also wasn't the girl from the other series of photos either. she was also laughing WAY TOO HARD at my jokes. you know what i mean? i felt like someone had given her a hundred bucks, and said "laugh like you have never met someone so funny in your life". now, don't get me wrong, i am a funny guy, but not THAT funny. it all just seemed so forced. she also tells me that she hasn’t worked in 2 months, and that she recently had to sell her car, in order to give her father money to pay his mortgage. she doesn’t live at home. then she goes on to tell me that she was at the queens recently to celebrate 60 days of "being clean". she didn't say "60 days of not smoking pot", or "60 days without touching drugs". nope. she specifically used the phrase "being clean". that has far too much weight behind it. i am all about giving people a second chance, and letting them get their life sorted out, but when you start to combine this little detail with the others, this becomes a fucking ENORMOUS warning super-light, that rotates really rapidly, and has barbed wire around it, and sirens going off. in surround sound!! so, there we are having something to eat. and she starts telling me that her ex-boyfriend had called her that day. from jail. and that he was telling her that he still loves her. and she then proceeds to tell me that the only reason that they broke up is because he went to jail, and if he hadn't she probably would have stayed with him. are you kidding me? you are telling me that you still love your ex while you are on a date? (at least YOU are still calling it a date. i stopped calling it that about 60 seconds after meeting you). she then starts to tell me that she did "a solid" for her ex once. and then some other words that i don't recall very specifically now, since my head was spinning from the fact she was now using jailhouse lingo to talk to me. i nervously chuckled and said "ha! sounds like you've been to jail once or twice yourself! heh heh!" BINGO!!! turns out that "the solid" she did for her ex, was take the blame for some crime that he committed. so she ended up going to jail even though she didn't do the crime herself. she let them "pin the rap on her". but isn't that what they ALL say in jail? tony : hey louis! what are you in for? louis : i didn't do it!!! i was so bloody freaked out by this girl, that when we parted company, i just wanted to run away. screaming. she reaches in for a hug, and my stupid reflexes kiss her on the cheek and i return the hug. i also say "i'll see you soon." AHHHHHHH!!!! what have i done???? she has since sent me 3 messages to tell me what a great time she had.

i feel bad for laughing.....

..... but WOW!!! this girl.... you know what? just watch it.

self explanatory

above is how my brain feels right now. and below is a tune that i have liked for quite a while. but it is currently in much higher rotation, because of how life is happening. enjoy!

OK Go! - It’s tough to Have a Crush




by the way, if you like this tune, then you can download it by "right-clicking" on the filename above. and if you REALLY like this tune, then you should go buy their album. .

so completely random

i haven't been feeling very creative lately...... i have been losing sleep, because of a girl. (that may be the subject of another post in the future), so i have just spent a lot of time trying to KILL time. while wandering around the internet today, i came across a reference to a cartoon character that i had forgotten about. a character that was created in 1948, and had his own animated show in the 80's, so i looked it up, (as i often do). this is what i found : "The Shmoo first appeared in the strip in August 1948. According to Shmoo legend, the lovable creature laid eggs, gave milk and died of sheer esctasy when looked at with hunger. The Shmoo loved to be eaten and tasted like any food desired. Anything that delighted people delighted a Shmoo. Fry a Shmoo and it came out chicken. Broil it and it came out steak. Shmoo eyes made terrific suspender buttons. The hide of the Shmoo if cut thin made fine leather and if cut thick made the best lumber. Shmoo whiskers made splendid toothpicks. The Shmoo satisfied all the world's wants. You could never run out of Shmoon (plural of Shmoo) because they multiplied at such an incredible rate. The Shmoo believed that the only way to happiness was to bring happiness to others." how completely insane is THAT??????? what kind of twisted bastard can think of those sorts of things? on a slightly related note, i dated a girl who was perfectly described by the last sentence above.........

this girl i met

So i am at the bar one night, (Queen's stinkside), and i am just standing there ogling girls, (because i haven't worked up the courage to go talk to any of them), and this girl just randomly walks up to me and starts mocking the way i am chewing my gum. she goes so far as to suggest that i chew like some sort of ruminant. so i laugh, and ask her if she wants a piece, (intentional triple entendre), and she says yes. so off we go to my coat, i reach in to the pocket and get her a piece of gum, and we start chatting. we have a good time chatting with each other, and we are really hitting it off. it turns out her name is vicki, and she is a guard at a jail up in penetang, and she is there with a bunch of her guard buddies from work. i tell her that she is probably the prettiest guard on the planet, and she responds with "no, there a guards that are much prettier than her". i respond with "well if that is the case, then i need to get into much more trouble", or something similar. we go up on the dance floor, and have a few laughs. her guard-buddies are there too, (and let me tell you, that the other girls there LOOK like prison guards. big, beefy proto-lesbian prison guards). we have such a good time that at the end of the night, i ask for her phone number, and she gives it to me, just before heading off to the washroom. her friend kate comes up to me and says, "i really think you should give vicki a call", and then proceeds to give me vicki's phone number. so i look into my phone book, and they both match, so it looks like this girl is serious. i hang around with them while they are getting their coats on, and then we head outside so they can get a cab. we hang around for a few more minutes, and then it is time for them to go. quite spontaneously, vicki and i kiss each other quickly. and we part company. and i couldn't stop thinking about her. i call her a day later, (which i have just learned, is the protocol for future dates to be secured), and let her know that i had a good time, and i want to see her again, but that i will be out of town for a week, so i will call her again when i get back into town, and when i return, i do call her. i have really been looking forward to seeing her, because we really connected well that night. once again i get her answering machine, but i leave a message, and tell her that i am looking forward to hanging out with her again, and i leave my number. and i never hear from her. two or three weeks goes by, and i am wondering what happened to her. why didn't i hear from her? i know that i had the right number because not only did i get the same number twice from two different sources, but the answering machine said vicki on it. so what is up? should i call her? why didn't she return my calls. perhaps she has a boyfriend, and just happened to be feeling frisky that night. but at least she could have called and said that she wasn't interested in hanging out. then it dawns on me that i also have the phone number of her friend kate. so i decide to send kate a text message to see if she can offer me any insight for the situation. and this is how it all went down. ben : your friend vicki never called me back, which sucks, because i was really hoping to see her again! any idea why i never heard from her? kate : because you have a criminal record. ben : Haha! Whatever! kate : no really. you were a young offender. ben (kind of pissed off right now) : Wow. that is a shame that i am not allowed to be such a totally different person than when i was a kid. that kinda stings. kate : what is your middle name and D.O.B., so i can make sure she looked. maybe i can clear your name. ben : no, she is correct. i was a huge badass when i was younger. have been a good boy since i was 20. nevermind. thanks for your help kate! kate : sorry. that's the down side of the job. for what it's worth, we still think you are a nice guy. no hard feelings. ben : totally makes sense, but it totally sucks. i will start ball rolling on a pardon. perhaps i will call her then. thanks again! later. kate : good idea. once again sorry. ben : not your fault. hazard of the job. but thank you so much for shedding some light on the situation. very much appreciated! have a good night. kate : night. i really don't know what else to say about this subject, other than i can't ask the poor girl to jeopardize her career because of me, but what a load of horse shit. anyone care to offer their opinion on the subject? .