the morning after

after leaving the bar last night, i decided i was going to head home. then my friend kari called. i shouldn't have answered. we ended up at some party where i knew a bunch of people, and we all had a grand old time, and continued to have some drinks. next thing i know - it's 0630. normally i have been awake for at least an hour at this point, and i haven't even managed to get to bed yet. so i am currently struggling with a hangover, and don't feel so well. i am supposed to be packing right now, because i am on the road again, first thing tomorrow morning, for two weeks. but i really can't be arsed. i need a hangover cure. anyone of you 3 readers have any suggestions? ps - yes this particular post is more sucky than the others. i blame booze. (the cause of, (and solution to), all of life's problems). pps - the golden pig is my new deity

interesting

here is a startling fact for you to ponder :



China, a country without trees, is now the largest exporter of wood products in the world.



anyone care to discuss?





btw - the image above is my current "desktop picture". like most of the images on this pathetic little blog thing, it was captured by my phone. click on it to "biggify" it.

more diary

more stuff pulled out of my diary from my earlier years......





January 21



math class...... man, i tell ya - what a bummer. they guy behind me farted right in the middle of an explanation of of an algebra question. everybody in the class turned and looked straight at me. i couldn't help but laugh, because it was a really juicy fart.



sometimes the things i say in front of the other guys are really dumb. but like that famous philosopher W.A. Yankovic says : "dare to be stupid".





January 22



boy, did i get mad today. during english, "DAVE THOMAS" hit me in the back of the head. i got fed up with him always hitting me in the head whenever i tried to get anything from under my desk, so i just bashed him in the side of the head.



then after that class, during lunch, "MARK HIGGINS" kept flicking my ears and squeezing my juice box. he also punched me in the stomach. so i left the table where i was sitting, and hit him in the back of the head. then he chased out of the cafetorium and into the office.





January 23



well... another boring day. i'm not writing this today, but i am writing it tomorrow. actually, it is the day after the 23rd. i got home late last night.



the reason i was late was because i went to a snow party over at "TIM MEADOVALE"'s house, with the youth group.



i took my brand new white coat off while i was horsing around, and it got run over by a snowmobile. luckily nothing happened to it.



January 24



you know what really bugs me? it's that my new favourite show is already doing re-runs. it's only been on the air for two months, (8 shows). i mean, like, the character isn't even that good. it's not hard to act like a kid or say something really dumb - i do it every day. i think i'll write a letter to the creators of the show, and tell them how peeved i am.





January 26



i feel pretty awful about today. sam was trying to get a bag of potato chips ($0.48) from me. he got me down on the ground, did the camel clutch***, and started to pinch and punch me.



so i got mad and punched him in the head once, and a couple of times in his side. (5:30 PM). then about 11:00 PM he started to throw up.



mom blamed it on me and made me stay with him for about an hour.





January 27



once upon a time, far far away, there was a princess that they were not allowed to look at when she walked through the town.



but one guy looked at her and they got married, had children, and lived happily after ever.



for a while.











(***i have no idea what that wrestling move is ---- b-dot)

there are no stupid questions. only stupid people.

sometimes i get astounded by the absolute stupidity of people. the things that come out of people's mouths never ceases to amaze me. like the time that i had a client say something that made absolutely no sense at all. just to give you a bit of background, in my business, we commonly refer to wireless microphones that clip on to your shirt/suit/blouse/lapel/collar as "lavs". so the client says to me "yes we need lavs, because there's a lot of carpeting." and i don't know what one has to do with the other. i really have no idea what they could possibly be trying to say. i simply responded with "then we will get you lavs!". there was another time at work, when the two dumbest questions i have ever been asked, occurred within ten minutes of each other. (my apologies if you have heard me talk about this before). first question was : "does this elevator go up"? i have no idea why they decided to ask me. i was just casually sitting in the hotel lobby, and i don't think that i looked like an employee. the second question was : "can you tell me where the 'SECOND-FLOOR MEETING ROOMS' are?". seriously. there is no way to answer that question without sounding like a jerk. what are some of the dumbest things you have ever heard people say?

self explanatory

above is how my brain feels right now. and below is a tune that i have liked for quite a while. but it is currently in much higher rotation, because of how life is happening. enjoy!

OK Go! - It’s tough to Have a Crush




by the way, if you like this tune, then you can download it by "right-clicking" on the filename above. and if you REALLY like this tune, then you should go buy their album. .

so completely random

i haven't been feeling very creative lately...... i have been losing sleep, because of a girl. (that may be the subject of another post in the future), so i have just spent a lot of time trying to KILL time. while wandering around the internet today, i came across a reference to a cartoon character that i had forgotten about. a character that was created in 1948, and had his own animated show in the 80's, so i looked it up, (as i often do). this is what i found : "The Shmoo first appeared in the strip in August 1948. According to Shmoo legend, the lovable creature laid eggs, gave milk and died of sheer esctasy when looked at with hunger. The Shmoo loved to be eaten and tasted like any food desired. Anything that delighted people delighted a Shmoo. Fry a Shmoo and it came out chicken. Broil it and it came out steak. Shmoo eyes made terrific suspender buttons. The hide of the Shmoo if cut thin made fine leather and if cut thick made the best lumber. Shmoo whiskers made splendid toothpicks. The Shmoo satisfied all the world's wants. You could never run out of Shmoon (plural of Shmoo) because they multiplied at such an incredible rate. The Shmoo believed that the only way to happiness was to bring happiness to others." how completely insane is THAT??????? what kind of twisted bastard can think of those sorts of things? on a slightly related note, i dated a girl who was perfectly described by the last sentence above.........

bizarro world

so i finally got a couple of days off, after two BRUTAL weeks of work. and i have done absolutely nothing. except get drunk. which is probably a bad thing, but in my defence, it wasn't exactly like it was a mission of mine. i didn't say to myself "i am going to be drunk lots this weekend". it just kind of happened by accident. especially yesterday. now i feel gross. and unrested. and now i have to go work for another week. damn. i truly believed that i was going to have a really productive weekend. the only thing that i managed to produce was waste. i am a terrible human being.

just because

. i haven't posted in over a week. why? well the last video i posted, i made while i had a fever. and the fever got worse, so i spent the next few days lying in bed, trying to get better. and then work happened. (as well as a bit of laziness in between, where i wasn't feeling very inspired). so where does that leave you and i? well that leaves you with nothing very exciting to read, and me trying desperately to find something to post here, that people will actually want to read. and now i am suffering from writers' block. it sucks. and this post is all that there is to show you. how sad.

something to declare

i was on a plane today, (in fact, i am on the plane right now, flying from calagry to montreal, as i write this), and i was listening to the safety announcements about emergency exits, and how the floor lights up along the aisle in a situation of emergency. i was watching the flight attendants go through the motions of amazingly coordinated hand gestures, and thinking to myself how similar they looked like synchronized swimmers, (without the nose plugs and bathing cap). and it occured to me that not only is this something that they are legally required to do before each gtake off, but they must have to go and take a course on very specific hand movements that are universally understood. sort of like how you can tell which washroom is for men, and which one is for women, or how you are not allowed to smoke in certain areas, no matter what language you speak. anyway, they get to the part in the presentation where they explain, that in certain situations, parts of the ceiling will open up, and oxygen masks will drop out. if this occurs, you are meant to place the mask over your own head first, (before worrying about assisting those around you), make sure it fits tightly, and breathe normally. this made me giggle. i turned to the person beside me, and pointed out, that if we were in an emergency situation, and the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling, the LAST thing we would be doing after we put them over our faces, would be breathing normally! we continue to taxi down the runway, get into out final position, and the captain comes over the speaker system, and tells the flight crew to sit down and prepare for take off. this element of the flight, is always my favourite, since the plane has to be travelling somwhere in the neighbourhood of 300 km/h in order to get off the ground. in fact, the larger planes have to reach a speed of about 340 km/h in order to get the necessary lift. so, we are hurtling down the runway, and just as we are about to start our ascent, the pilot hits the brakes. HARD. he activated the brakes so hard, that some of the people on the plane smacked their faces on the seat in front of them. but surprisingly, no one made any noises of surprise or pain. everyone was surprisingly quiet. perhaps they were all expecting to be told that something very bad had happened the captain then comes over the speaker system, and announces that he had to abort the take-off, because someone was on the runway in front of the plane, that the authorities have been called, and that they are on their way to intercept this man. after about a minute or so, i see the guy on the right side of the plane just casually strolling along another runway. then a truck shows up, and stops in front of him. the guy gets down on the ground, and another truck shows up, and the drivers of both vehicles get out, while pointing shotguns at him. (that is what you can see in the picture, although it isn't very clear, since i had taken the photo with my phone, and had to rely on the poor quality digital zoom). i guess that is pretty well the end of the story, apart from the fact that we had to go back to the gate that we left from in order for the brakes to cool down from the stress they just went through. and we also needed to re-fuel, since the pilot had to put the engines in such a heavy reverse thrust, in order to get the plane to stop in time. strangely, the only information i was able to find to prove that this actually happened, (and to follow up on what happened with this poor guy who was on the runway), was this little story.

frickin' awesome!

this video is too excellent for words. well, except for these words : 10 minutes of extremely gruesome french-canadian hilarity!!!!! check it!

verbs before nouns

so today while doing some reading, i came across the phrase "verbs before nouns", (it was actually the title of a song), and it got me to wondering why the word "noun" is actually a noun, but the word "verb" is not a verb, but is in fact also a noun. my mind then started to wander a bit more and i began pondering over the accuracy of the statement. if there was a verb in the sentence, and it followed the word verb, it would make the sentence factually incorrect, kind of like as if i was to say "i am a liar, and therefore i always lie". this is a classic philosophical paradox. if i am always a liar, then by TELLING you that i am always a liar, means that i am telling you the truth, and therefore i am not always a liar, making the accuracy of the statement come into question. but at the same time, i could also be lying by telling you that i always lie, when in fact i am telling you truth, which would mean i am NOT telling you the truth, which would make the statement a lie. kind of circular, no? does any of this make sense? i am starting to think that i may have just confused myself........... anyway, if you want to check out more philosophical paradoxes, you can find them here.

talking dirty

so i just happened to be watching an episode of the show "extras", with ricky gervais, and his friend was explaining how her new man likes to talk dirty with her, and she's not sure how to handle the situation. so that got me wondering if there were any bits of info online about "how to talk dirty with your lover", and perhaps some interesting suggestions that hadn't ever occurred to me previously. so i start surfing, and i stumble upon this absolutely BRILLIANT little pointer : While your mouth utters really sexy words and praises for your partner, easily caress her and do the things that will excite her more like using a really nice jam or wine to spread on her body and lick it from there. wait a minute...........use a REALLY NICE JAM???????? hahaha! are you kidding me??????????? i just about spit my tea out!!!!! i can picture it now : "hang on a minute love, i just want to go get that jar of posh preserves we got down at the farmers market last weekend" and what if your mate doesn't like gooseberry confiture? what do you substitute? caramalised onions in a bechamel sauce? are THEY allowed to request different toppings? are YOU? "since i am tossing your salad, shall i just nip out to the larder and get you some salad cream?"

random thought #1

not sure what made me think of this just now, but......... why is it that over here (in canada and the US), we say that we are going to the gas station, when we are actually going to the liquid station? in many other places in the world, people say that they are going to the "petrol" station. that makes mores sense, since they are supposedly going to buy petroleum. we obviously must be shortening the word "gasoline", so in THIS case it actually makes more sense, since it is a product DERIVED from petroleum. this would make the rest of the world wrong, because they are actually not filling up with petroleum, but gasoline. i just think it sounds odd that people say "put gas in the car", since that is obviously not the case.........