true story

i have been hanging around a dating site for about 3 weeks now, and have enjoyed chatting with girls on there. meeting some really nice ones that are smart and funny and cute. so i made arrangements to meet up with one for a quick bite last night. this is how it all went down. i don't even know where to begin with what was wrong with the date. but i should have known it was going to be bad when the girl that showed up was NOT EVEN CLOSE to being the same one that was in her profile pics.... and it actually went DOWNHILL from there. it was as if she knew that i was thinking "you psycho girl! you stole someone else's profile pics, and used them as your own". because she pulled out her health card and said that "this picture doesn't look anything like me, does it?" creepy thing is, it DIDN'T look like her, but it also wasn't the girl from the other series of photos either. she was also laughing WAY TOO HARD at my jokes. you know what i mean? i felt like someone had given her a hundred bucks, and said "laugh like you have never met someone so funny in your life". now, don't get me wrong, i am a funny guy, but not THAT funny. it all just seemed so forced. she also tells me that she hasn’t worked in 2 months, and that she recently had to sell her car, in order to give her father money to pay his mortgage. she doesn’t live at home. then she goes on to tell me that she was at the queens recently to celebrate 60 days of "being clean". she didn't say "60 days of not smoking pot", or "60 days without touching drugs". nope. she specifically used the phrase "being clean". that has far too much weight behind it. i am all about giving people a second chance, and letting them get their life sorted out, but when you start to combine this little detail with the others, this becomes a fucking ENORMOUS warning super-light, that rotates really rapidly, and has barbed wire around it, and sirens going off. in surround sound!! so, there we are having something to eat. and she starts telling me that her ex-boyfriend had called her that day. from jail. and that he was telling her that he still loves her. and she then proceeds to tell me that the only reason that they broke up is because he went to jail, and if he hadn't she probably would have stayed with him. are you kidding me? you are telling me that you still love your ex while you are on a date? (at least YOU are still calling it a date. i stopped calling it that about 60 seconds after meeting you). she then starts to tell me that she did "a solid" for her ex once. and then some other words that i don't recall very specifically now, since my head was spinning from the fact she was now using jailhouse lingo to talk to me. i nervously chuckled and said "ha! sounds like you've been to jail once or twice yourself! heh heh!" BINGO!!! turns out that "the solid" she did for her ex, was take the blame for some crime that he committed. so she ended up going to jail even though she didn't do the crime herself. she let them "pin the rap on her". but isn't that what they ALL say in jail? tony : hey louis! what are you in for? louis : i didn't do it!!! i was so bloody freaked out by this girl, that when we parted company, i just wanted to run away. screaming. she reaches in for a hug, and my stupid reflexes kiss her on the cheek and i return the hug. i also say "i'll see you soon." AHHHHHHH!!!! what have i done???? she has since sent me 3 messages to tell me what a great time she had.