this girl i met

So i am at the bar one night, (Queen's stinkside), and i am just standing there ogling girls, (because i haven't worked up the courage to go talk to any of them), and this girl just randomly walks up to me and starts mocking the way i am chewing my gum. she goes so far as to suggest that i chew like some sort of ruminant. so i laugh, and ask her if she wants a piece, (intentional triple entendre), and she says yes. so off we go to my coat, i reach in to the pocket and get her a piece of gum, and we start chatting. we have a good time chatting with each other, and we are really hitting it off. it turns out her name is vicki, and she is a guard at a jail up in penetang, and she is there with a bunch of her guard buddies from work. i tell her that she is probably the prettiest guard on the planet, and she responds with "no, there a guards that are much prettier than her". i respond with "well if that is the case, then i need to get into much more trouble", or something similar. we go up on the dance floor, and have a few laughs. her guard-buddies are there too, (and let me tell you, that the other girls there LOOK like prison guards. big, beefy proto-lesbian prison guards). we have such a good time that at the end of the night, i ask for her phone number, and she gives it to me, just before heading off to the washroom. her friend kate comes up to me and says, "i really think you should give vicki a call", and then proceeds to give me vicki's phone number. so i look into my phone book, and they both match, so it looks like this girl is serious. i hang around with them while they are getting their coats on, and then we head outside so they can get a cab. we hang around for a few more minutes, and then it is time for them to go. quite spontaneously, vicki and i kiss each other quickly. and we part company. and i couldn't stop thinking about her. i call her a day later, (which i have just learned, is the protocol for future dates to be secured), and let her know that i had a good time, and i want to see her again, but that i will be out of town for a week, so i will call her again when i get back into town, and when i return, i do call her. i have really been looking forward to seeing her, because we really connected well that night. once again i get her answering machine, but i leave a message, and tell her that i am looking forward to hanging out with her again, and i leave my number. and i never hear from her. two or three weeks goes by, and i am wondering what happened to her. why didn't i hear from her? i know that i had the right number because not only did i get the same number twice from two different sources, but the answering machine said vicki on it. so what is up? should i call her? why didn't she return my calls. perhaps she has a boyfriend, and just happened to be feeling frisky that night. but at least she could have called and said that she wasn't interested in hanging out. then it dawns on me that i also have the phone number of her friend kate. so i decide to send kate a text message to see if she can offer me any insight for the situation. and this is how it all went down. ben : your friend vicki never called me back, which sucks, because i was really hoping to see her again! any idea why i never heard from her? kate : because you have a criminal record. ben : Haha! Whatever! kate : no really. you were a young offender. ben (kind of pissed off right now) : Wow. that is a shame that i am not allowed to be such a totally different person than when i was a kid. that kinda stings. kate : what is your middle name and D.O.B., so i can make sure she looked. maybe i can clear your name. ben : no, she is correct. i was a huge badass when i was younger. have been a good boy since i was 20. nevermind. thanks for your help kate! kate : sorry. that's the down side of the job. for what it's worth, we still think you are a nice guy. no hard feelings. ben : totally makes sense, but it totally sucks. i will start ball rolling on a pardon. perhaps i will call her then. thanks again! later. kate : good idea. once again sorry. ben : not your fault. hazard of the job. but thank you so much for shedding some light on the situation. very much appreciated! have a good night. kate : night. i really don't know what else to say about this subject, other than i can't ask the poor girl to jeopardize her career because of me, but what a load of horse shit. anyone care to offer their opinion on the subject? .